These are the Voyages
by Black' Victor Cachat
Summary: The Straw Hats appear upon the USS Enterprise-D, and things are tense until Luffy finds the Food Replicator and unlimited meat. After that, the Federation did not know what hit it.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own One Piece or Star Trek

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Arrival

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"Captain's log, we continue on our survey mission with our strange new guests. The arrival of these Straw Hats is puzzling, and several of them are rather mysterious, but thus far they have appeared trustworthy and tensions have eased. Commander Riker is seeing to them now."

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"And this," demonstrated Commander Riker of the _USS Enterprise-D_ , "is a food replicator."

"A food replicator?" the leader of this strange band, Monkey D. Luffy, asked blankly.

"Yes, you ask it for what food you want, and it'll make it for you. Like this." A moment later a steaming three course meal was made and ready to eat. "Give it a try."

Taking it up in one hand, Luffy tipped the plate over so all the food fell into his mouth. "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" he cried out with hearts in his eyes. "Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!"

"Uhm," Riker began.

"How long can this last?" Sanji asked, thinking of how this could prevent people from ever starving.

"Meat! Meat! Meat!" Luffy continued while Nami and Usopp helped him manipulate the food replicator controls.

"Well as long as we have power to make it function," Riker explained, glad they were not asking how it worked since that could take a while. After all, given their appearances it appeared that these people were not very technologically advanced.

"Does it carry booze?" Zoro asked with interest.

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Dr. Beverly Crusher had been working for thirty hours without a break except for going to grab more coffee. "It doesn't make any sense!" she hissed for the umpteenth time.

Before her, stretched on the examination table was a skeleton with an afro and wearing clothes. He was also visibly and loudly snoring, with a sort of bubble in one nostril.

"At least he's quiet now," an equally frazzled Nurse Ogawa griped.

When the skeleton had been asking about their panties, they had chosen to ignore him, having recognized the topic was inappropriate. Instead of taking the hint, the skeleton, whose name was Brook, had started speculating out loud that maybe they used a different word for "panties," which led him to be increasingly descriptive of what he was talking about. At length.

When they had still failed to respond, outside of medical jargon, he had started to verbally theorize that maybe women in the future no longer used panties. Mercifully, it was only after about an hour of this that his friend, Nami, dropped by to see how her friends were doing and had hit him over the head to make him stop.

(It was a deplorably uncivilized action, but Crusher could not bring herself to complain)

Then Brook had talked about music.

In the corner, adorable Chopper continued to scroll through their medical files, soaking up everything he read like a sponge. "These cybernetic implants are so cool!" he called out, making Crusher wince at the thought of Borg.

"Such practices are ill advised!" she snapped from sleep deprivation, but Chopper was too absorbed to even notice, his own personal tricorder clutched greedily in his hands.

Then the power failed.

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"Engineering! What's going on!? Report!" Picard barked as his ship inexplicably turned off, switching to emergency power.

"It's one of the Straw Hats! He's in Engineering and tinkering with the Warp Core! We can't stop him!" Commander LaForge yelled back through the comm badge.

Worf was already running to the lift to manually open it.

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"What is this!?" Picard snapped at the sight in front of him.  
In place of their Warp Core was now some strange and primitive device made of metal and…was that wood!? Genuine wood!? Where'd that come from!?

"Yeah, sorry, that was SUPER rude of me," Franky apologized as he walked out from behind the contraption, "but as the Crew's shipwright I have to ensure that whatever we're sailing on is safe, and after looking up the specs that hunk of that old power source I concluded it was too dangerous. OW! Matter-Antimatter reactions, what're you guys thinking!?"

"You transported it into space!" LaForge yelled with uncharacteristic fury.

"Where it'll be safely away from us," Franky said in what was meant to be a reassuring tone. "My new cola engine will function just as good, but without all that risk of it blowing up on you."

And with that the lights came back on.

"Captain," Data spoke up from a nearby console, "power is restored and…" the android cut off whatever he was about to say to start typing some more.

"Yes, Commander Data, and what?" Picard ground out, failing to recognize his subordinates uncharacteristic behaviour.

"Power levels operating currently at 120%, sir," the stupefied android finished.

"SUPER!" the speedo-man boomed, slamming his arms together with a metallic noise. "Ow! What'd I tell yah!?"

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The food replicator on Ten Forward was now off-limits, with no-one daring to approach Luffy as he stuffed another plateful of food down his gullet, belatedly spitting the plate back out as an afterthought. Everyone was also deliberately overlooking how comically fat he was becoming, defying accepted laws of physics and biology in the process.

"But—?" one crewman began.

"If we don't see it, if we don't acknowledge it, then we don't have to go through what the doc or the engineering department are going through right now," his friend interrupted, gulping back his Synthehol.

A little ways away from the food replicator, an intense conversation was underway.

"No, we don't cook real animals anymore," Riker explained. "We prefer a more civilized approach, using just food replicators."  
Sanji slowly took out a cigarette and put it unlit into his mouth. He had learned the hard way what would happen if he started a fire, but he needed the soothing feeling this would give. "You people are barbarians and you don't even know it." He overrode Riker as the savage tried to speak. "Even when you do bake, you use this shortcut to create it. Instead of art, you claim that your crude copies are somehow passable substitutes, but really you are corrupting the tastes of countless people and raising them in deprivation! Words can't describe—!"

Usopp paused in regaling Guinan, the bar lady, with tales of his exploits to see what the fuss was about, but then just shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the pleasant lady. "Sorry about that, Sanji takes his job as chef seriously."  
"So you and your friends do notice a difference?" Guinan asked. "Between natural and replicated food I mean."  
"Not me, but Sanji and Luffy do, and probably Robin."

"But your Captain keeps gobbling the meat down," she pointed out with puzzlement.

"Yeah, but he says it's not as good as Sanji's." The long-nosed man shrugged, "But there's so much of it he's happy."

Then an iron hand grabbed the back of Usopp's shirt, pulled him off of his stool, and started dragging him towards the door. "Hey Zoro!" he cried out in recognition, "What's the big deal?"

"The Idiot Cook's right!" the swordsman growled, and Usopp froze up at the words as his subconscious processed the subtle harmonics in those words. Zoro only ever seemed to agree with Sanji during life-and-death crises, and there was _anger_ in his voice. And the man was too laid back for there to be many things to put him on edge.

"Have you tried what they call booze here!?" Nope, never mind, nothing serious.  
"So what d'you want me to do about it!?" Usopp snapped, annoyed at the man for nearly causing a heart attack.

"Make a distillery!" At that Usopp grabbed onto the counter before they actually left Ten Forward. It was a symbolic gesture since Zoro hilariously outmuscled him, but the swordsman still stopped. "But I don't know where to start!"  
"Figure it out!"

While Usopp was preening at the acknowledgment of his chemistry skills, Guinina came up towards them from her side of the bar. "You really don't like what we've got here? Synthehol not good enough for you?"

"Unless you've got a real drink squared away," Zoro hissed.

She looked at him impassively for a moment, and then leaned over and pulled out a particular bottle. "This is what Worf drinks, he calls it a 'Warrior's drink' even." She poured a glass and handed it over. Even from where he stood Usopp could smell it and knew what would happen if Zoro drank it.

Not rising to the bait, Zoro just smirked and turned to yell at Sanji, "Hey Cook! Got a real man's drink for you here! Bet you can't take it!"

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Nami was staring in disbelief at what was in the replicator: gold.

This machine could make gold.

In a way that had only _appeared_ casual, Robin had informed her of how in her readings it had been mentioned that "less developed" species had a fascination with gold for some reason, which implied that it was not valuable to these people.

Unfortunately for herself, or maybe not, Nami was brilliant. She was a certified genius, a prodigy. It took her only a few seconds to determine why: gold was useless as a currency if it was so readily acquired.

She was stuck in a world – _No, galaxy_ , she corrected herself— where gold was useless.

This was hell.

 _I could make as much gold as I want, enough to make an island of gold, but if I brought it all back home, it might actually devalue it and crash the economy!_

Oh sure, she could try doing that deliberately, saturate the market and ruin the World Government's economy, as well as the livelihood of rival pirates, while she quickly used the gold to buy up goods of alternative value before the collapse happened. _But that would make my dream of swimming in gold coins as cheap as doing it with copper coins!_ she silently wailed to herself as she cried bitter tears.

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Luffy had just discovered the marvel of non-human foods, and was now experimenting with some Andorian cuisine, with the remnants of Tellarite and Vulcan dishes to the side. The display kept trying to tell him something in bright red script, but he could not understand the big words so he just ignored them.

"I'm telling you!" the same crewmember from before whispered in horror. "Some of those dishes are toxic to humans!"

"If he's not dead, then they're not poisonous," his companion dismissed, reaching for another glass of Synthehol, while ordering another from the bar as he did so.

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"And then what happened?" Picard asked calmly, ever so calmly.

"And then I handed the drink to Brook," Sanji answered indifferently. "Didn't think he'd actually drink all that prune juice though."  
The skeleton in question had been on break from Dr. Crusher's studies, and had been so thirsty he had happily swallowed the drink whole.

A few minutes later the bridge and security had received reports of a crazed skeleton running back and forth all over the _Enterprise_ , screaming about how he needed a bathroom or else he would make a horrible mess. To compound the surrealism, Brook had been unable to recognize the futuristic public washrooms for what they were, and had kept running past them no matter how many times the traumatized crewmembers tried to point them out.

Fifteen crewmembers were asking to see Counselor Troi right now over the terror they had experienced, seeing that nightmare running right at them; howling away while flailing his arms and legs.

"Wonder what would happen if Luffy had some?" Usopp wondered with a sinister smirk before Zoro gently rapped him on the head in admonishment.

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Geordi LaForge looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and Data's normally impeccable uniform was rumpled and had obviously been worn for several day's straight as he continued to go over the new…engine. "It doesn't make any sense!" the Chief Engineer all but screamed. "It's cola! We've got the chemical breakdown of it all mapped out! How could it possibly do all this!?"

"Maybe you just need a rest," Riker suggested. "Come back at it after a good night's sleep."

"Data doesn't sleep and he's as messed up about it as I am!" Geordi snapped, gesturing at the android in question.

They both paused, expecting their friend to say something as he interpreted "messed up" too literally, but after a moment they just turned to stare at Data still furiously working away, obviously too absorbed with his task.

"Okay, maybe we should both take a break," LaForge admitted, a little freaked out by his friend's abnormal behaviour.

"OW! Of course! You should never do this kind of work when you're tired if you can help it!" a loud voice lectured.

"What the!? What're you doing here! You were locked up!" Riker barked, since they could _hardly_ let a man who had blatantly ripped out one of the ship's most vital components roam about freely. Strangely, none of the other guests had reacted. Now they had an idea why.

"Sorry, but I'm too SUUUPER for that!" Franky boomed while posing with his linked arms above his head again, proudly strutting his speedo.

 _Why, why oh why can't they be like that Robin woman!? She doesn't cause any trouble. She just sits back and reads, even talks to Captain Picard a lot about archaeology_.

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Robin smiled to herself as she flicked her way through the book while reading in Ten Forward. This computerized form was definitely missing something that she liked in real books, although she couldn't put her finger on it, but she conceded that storage was far more convenient when it was in this format. Not that she was smiling about that though, seeing the aggravation the engineers were suffering –via her cloned 'eyes'— made up for their crime of imprisoning Franky. They were just lucky that her crew knew she could casually free the man, or else… _something_ might happen. The Starfleet crewmembers on board actually still thought Luffy was just a child.

 _Speaking of…_ she glanced over at her Captain and saw that he had reverted to recognizable human dishes after a mishap with a Ferengi meal. _How did he program it to give out such large hunks of meat though?_ she wondered before smiling and getting back to her reading. _Just Luffy being Luffy._

Honestly, it was just as well for now that Luffy was so busy eating, since that meant no one had realized that his garbled words were: "I'm going to be King of the Pirates!" The longer Starfleet took to translate that, and realized they were harbouring pirates, the better.

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"So what do we know about our guests?" Picard asked as he looked around at his assembled officers, sans Dr. Crusher and Chief Engineer LaForge. Both were heavily absorbed with their own tasks and refused to leave their stations.

"We know from our Tricorder scans that they're human. Mostly. Probably," Riker amended. "At least that's what Crusher said before she started examining the skeleton. She still hasn't gotten to the one who identifies as both a human and as a reindeer."

"Counselor Troi, have you made any progress on your psyche profiles?" Picard calmly asked, despite knowing the Betazoid's empathy could sense his frustration.

"No, Captain," she actually groaned, eliciting emotions of surprise from her fellow officers in the briefing room.

"Why not?"

"My attempts to interview their Captain have met with failures because he is more interested in stuffing himself, and while he's answering my questions he refuses to talk with his mouth empty since that would interfere with his eating," she deadpanned, "and when he's full he falls asleep."

The Counselor took a deep breath and then continued in a more calm and serious manner. "He shows signs of hyperactivity, short attention span, and impulsive decisions, yet for reasons unknown, the others still seem to defer to him. His fascination with food and the aggressive and anti-social manner in which he defends his claim over Ten Forward's food replicator, except with people he explicitly trusts, indicates a deprived childhood and the need to fight for whatever his next meal was to be."

"You speculate that his obsession with food is related to a childhood where it was scarce, and he was potentially surrounded by threats, necessitating he constantly be on guard while eating whenever he can?" Data theorized.

"Yes," Deanna agreed, looking at the android in surprise, and then speculation, "You've seen other evidence to support this."

"Despite their lack of aggression towards us, some of them have shown signs of being used to violence, or at least expecting it, indicating that wherever they are from, they are constantly facing danger."

"The man with the swords and the other with his strange martial arts are definitely warriors," Worf firmly asserted. Turning to the counselor, "What have you learned of the others?"  
"Uhm, nothing," she fidgeted.

"Counselor," Picard asked with careful patience, hoping that was the most she sensed from him, "why is that?"  
"It's because of Sanji," she snapped in frustration. "I can feel his thoughts from across the ship! I've been around men who've desired me before," shooting Riker a look that he knew he did not deserve, that she was only venting, yet that in-itself was highly unusual, "but never like this! The sheer undulated _lust_ he feels for every woman he meets! It's appalling!"

The door to the conference room swished open, "Did a lady say my name!?" the man in question cried out, his face blushing.

"Get out!" Troi yelled.

"As you wish madam!"

"Why oh why did I mention that I could sense his feelings for me," she moaned into her arms.

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"It doesn't make sense! He's a skeleton!" Dr. Beverly Crusher cried as she grabbed Zoro's drink out of his hand to chug back another glass. Accepting she was just trying to drown her sorrows, the swordsman took it good naturedly and just leaned over to get another drink from Usopp's patented distillery. Geordi LaForge was already long passed out from the high-proof alcohol.

From the doorway a gaping Picard struggled to find words.

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"Priceless," the grinning and self-proclaimed all-powerful Q gloated from outside in space where he was lounging in a chair that was just hanging in nothing. "Now this is entertainment!"

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 **Author Notes:**

 **General ignoring of the Prime Directive here, but obeying that would stop the humor from the start. Oh, and I know there is supposed to be a stardate at the beginning of Picard's log, but I am not picking a specific date for a crackfic.**

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 **Next chapter: "Lwaxana Troi"!**

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 **Please Review and I will get back to you!**


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own One Piece or Star Trek

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Lwaxana Troi

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Laughter rang out through the ship.

The _Enterprise-D_ was hosting a party for various diplomats, with many other noteworthy guests too being hosted within Ten Forward aboard Starfleet's flagship. Amongst them was Lwaxana Troi, Ambassador of Betazed, a daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed, the Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, and Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed. Proud and regal and on the prowl for another husband.

 _Hmm_ , she thought as she took in all of the fine, strong willed men around her. _I'll come back to Jean-Luc if necessary later, there must be someone here,_ and she stretched out with her telepathic powers to sense the emotions people around her were having.

{ _Mother_.}

She stopped at the mental voice of her beloved daughter, and turned as Deanna Troi finally caught up with her. "Sorry, Mother, I had a patient to help."

"No worries dear, I'm just taking a look around." Then Lwaxana paused as she took in some rough looking people across the room, "Who are those? Surely not diplomats?"

Craning her neck, Deanna caught what her mom was looking at, "They call themselves the Straw Hats. They're from an unknown world, and Starfleet thought it best that they stay with us."

"Why? Are they worried about them?" Hardly seemed possible, given their crude attire, but keeping them on the flagship was also unusual.

Ever polite, Deanna just shrugged, "They aren't violent, but they're so unusual that Captain Picard asked that we keep them here to learn more about them. There were some rough patches at first," overlooking issues like stealing the Warp Core or how _finally_ their leader was no longer hogging the food replicator, "but now they're settling in." Then her smile brightened, "We're actually learning a lot of interesting things from them in turn, and most of them are quite nice. The one with the yellow hat with the red ribbon is their captain. He's sweet, but harmless."

Lwaxana Troi extended her senses to the youth, vaguely wondering if there would be something interesting about him.

She _felt_ what she knew her Little One had also experienced, which explained why her daughter was so relaxed. _Friendship, openness, a sense of curiosity on par with Starfleet's finest explorers, a sense of…hunger for meat?_ And then she dug deeper…

 ** _BOW_**

"Mother!" Deanna gasped at the sight of the matriarch on her knees, grasping her chest as she struggled to breath, staring across the room at the feet of Monkey D. Luffy who had not even noticed what happened.

And the worst part for Lwaxana was the knowledge was that he _hadn't_. That it had been unintentional.

Picard was on guard at the look of fear in the eyes of this intimidating woman, and Worf was already whispering for security to be on standby. "Lwaxana, what is it? What did you hear!?" referring to her telepathy.

"W-who is that man?" she whispered, jerking her chin at Luffy. "Who is he _really_!?"  
Cloaking himself within the calmness he always wore before a battle or other serious incident, Picard asked, "Is he dangerous?"

She hesitated, trying to define in words something that was best _felt_ , wondering how she could make someone brain-deaf like a human, with their foolish fascination with what was shown on the surface, understand what she had seen. The sheer force of will that could crush anyone she had ever met, melded with a driving ambition that was terrifying to behold.

Picard had asked if he was "dangerous," but she knew it was both too small and too vague a word, implying that he was threatening, but she could not shake the feeling that if that man meant any harm to her daughter or her friends then it would have already happened.

In all her years, meeting diplomats, politicians, leaders from different shades of life, heroes and scum, she had never met any mind like this one.

"It's understandable, but I wouldn't try that again," a pleasant voice spoke up, and they all turned to look at Nico Robin, who had somehow appeared without anyone noticing. She knelt down to Lwaxana's level and looked her in the eyes, "Luffy is a special sort of person for whom there are several terms: a Supreme King, a Conqueror, a Conquering King, and others, but you understand what it _really_ means. In essence, he is a man driven to claim a throne, and you just made the mistake of touching that inner-self. You're fortunate that you just felt the barest fraction of what he truly is."

"W-what?" the older woman stammered.  
Robin was still smiling, "I've never felt it before, but I've seen what it's like when he actually focuses the full might of that authority upon others, and if you had received any of that, we wouldn't be talking right now." Ignoring the gulp of fear from Lwaxana, she added as if in afterthought, "Although I'm glad your daughter hasn't done anything but sense our surface emotions, for you I'd recommend not doing it again, to any of us. Understood?"

"Understood," was the firm response.

"When you say 'Conqueror,' what do you mean exactly?" Picard ground out, worried for his crew in the face of this new potential threat that had been under his nose the entire time.

"Don't worry," Sanji butted in, having been off to the side for a little while now. "He couldn't care less about taking anything you guys have to offer. Even your food replicators pale before his true dream. He only wants a particular throne back home."

"And Luffy doesn't want to rule anyone. He cares too much about other people's freedoms," Franky added, his serious tone at odds with his usual 'boom.' Then he cocked his head in amusement, "What? Did you think we were just humouring him when we called him our Captain? Don't judge a book by its cover people, OW!" the weaponized cyborg advised.

Picard and his officers stiffened at this, realizing that they had always been _indulging_ the boy, assuming that Luffy's friends had been doing the same. Yet now they knew the truth: that behind all of those jokes and lighthearted behaviour, there was an unshakable core of respect for their Captain.

"Being here is fun, and if you want us to go, we'll go," Sanji added, resisting the urge to pull out a cigarette right now since it would be seen as offensive. And the fire suppression systems would come on. "But you don't have anything to fear from us; you're friends, and friends don't hurt friends." Deanna risked using her empathy and felt the honest emotions in the surrounding figures, but she knew that Picard would also hear the silent threat: that they would defend themselves if Starfleet stopped being "friends."

It was easy for Sanji to be truthful on the matter, he did genuinely mean it, but it was probably still best if they did not figure out that the only reason Luffy had never questioned or challenged Picard's authority, or that of the Federation for that matter, was because in reality their Captain simply failed to acknowledge it existed. He gave orders, he did not _obey_ them. _Thank goodness for Vivi_ , the chef thought, _otherwise he wouldn't have ever learned to listen to what others demand out of politeness, or what little he knows, and that it can solve problems better than violence sometimes_. The Princess had been perfectly fine with the consequences if the recipients refused to be courteous back.

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Afraid of disturbing the diplomats further, the officers let things go, and Robin and the others melted back into the crowd. For a short while things quieted down, but then Luffy caused things to become more lively in an unexpected way again.

Apparently deciding everything was too boring, he singlehandedly roused everyone into a wilder yet more enjoyable party as everyone danced around and laughed and sang, and somehow with chopsticks in their mouths and nostrils?

Slowly the Enterprise crew let their concerns die away, even if they had just started to realize what they had let aboard, and even Lwaxana seemed to be having fun while they partied away. But she had learned to be much more careful in touching the minds of anyone else she ever met.

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 **Next Chapter: 'Section 31'**

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 **Please Review, and I will get back to you!**


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own One Piece or Star Trek

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 **Warning: Contains spoilers for the Star Trek: Deep Space 9, season 7, episode "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges"**

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Section 31

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Luther Sloan of the dark and clandestine organisation known only as Section 31, dedicated towards preserving the Federation by any and all means necessary, transported into the room of one Monkey D. Luffy on board the _USS Enterprise-D_.

These newcomers offered great potential for the Federation, but before any introductions could be considered, an appropriate insurance was first required. Just in case the mysteries surrounding them were not so benign after all. He and his fellow elite agents were here to covertly implant them with miniature mechanical nanites, invisible to even the most sophisticated medical instruments, which would kill the strangers if they received the proper signal.

Long habit made Sloan move cautiously even though he knew it was unnecessary. Every Starfleet vessel were designed to be incapable of detecting any of Section 31's ships, their transporters, or Sloan and his fellow operatives. The computers simply failed to notice or recognize them. As for the people they were seeing tonight, remote reprograming of the each of the nine individual's food replicators had added sophisticated sedatives into their food and drink, with each of them getting a snack or drink before bed. _If anything_ , Sloan ruefully thought as he took in all the bones littering the ground, stripped of any scrap of meat, _I'll probably have to administer this one an antidote after I'm done_.

A tearing sound made him whirl around to see a slight young man standing behind him, ripping off another hunk of meat with his teeth, heedless of how he was eating even _more_ drugged food, as he stared at the intruder.

Sloan blinked for a moment, but held his position. Monkey was not doing anything aggressive. "Hello."

[Munch]

More meat torn of the almost comically oversized portion in Monkey's hand.

"I was hoping to talk to you."

[Munch]

Another mouthful being chewed down was the only response.

Despite himself, Sloan was starting to get concerned; there was something about that blank-eyed look that was furiously prodding and poking at old survival instincts. A twist of the agent's hand and a miniaturized phaser fired a stun blast. _Drugged interrogation with an amnesiac it is_.

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Lieutenant Barclay was inspecting his datapad as he made his way for a routine inspection for his shift, glad that the hallway pleasantly deserted so there would be no distractions.

A door exploded outwards into pieces, and out of the dark interior walked Roronoa Zoro. "Barclay to Security!" he gasped, going pale at the sight of the bloody swords. "Zoro! The green-haired one! He's gone violent! Oh my! He-he cut the door down! He cut it! And, and," but he could not continue. For to his horror he saw that the swordsman's one good eye was closed, and he could hear the snoring sound.

The First Mate's mind was deep in an artificial sleep, but his instincts had risen to the call at the presence of the intruder, and were now moving the body itself.

 _The crew is endangered. Fight! Cut!_

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Sloan glared at Monkey, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. He kept shooting at the man, but each shot only hit the wall behind him.

[Munch]

Their scan before he transported in had shown no unique technology, so _what_ was happening? On impulse he yanked out a compact tricorder and did a quick check. Human. Right in front of him. Nothing to indicate an immunity to tranquilizers or other foreign substances. Still, Sloan was a dangerous man in his own right, and having diverted Monkey's attention by grabbing for the miniature scanner, in his other hand Sloan's thumb adjusted his phaser for a wide stun beam and fired a sustained shot.

Monkey was no longer there.

"You're here to cause trouble, aren't you?" the voice said from behind in his ear, garbled by the food in his mouth.

 _Retreat!_ His hand flashed to his comm badge.

Then he felt it.

Icy claws gripping his spine and brain, crushing them.

Then darkness.

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"Counselor Troi to Security!" the woman gasped as she shot upright in her bed. "Something's going on with Luffy! Get your teams there and proceed with caution! Advise Red Alert!"

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Chief of Security Worf did not hesitate to second that order, whatever had rattled the woman must be significant. And that _chill_ he had just felt…

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Dr. Crusher nearly had whiplash as she tried to track the two racing past her. Both had frozen at that _feeling_ that had just washed over them all, and in that moment she had been afraid of Brook. The jovial skeleton was gone, and in his place was something that truly deserved its place as a nightmare. Cheerful Chopper, who had also been down for the all-night session studying the musician again had also stiffened, and had then _changed_.

The larger, horned figure had charged out on four legs alongside Brook almost faster than Crusher could see, and they were already gone from sight. "Dr. Crusher to the bridge…"

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Twenty-two years of hiding and fighting to survive snapped Robin awake at the feel of her Captain's haki rushing over her and the rest of the ship, calling her to arms.

 _A tranquilizer_ , her mind raced as it registered how sluggish her body was. While lacking Luffy's super-metabolism and partial immunity to foreign substances thanks to Ivankov, as a teenager she had still conditioned her body to have some measure of resistance against such substances, helping her stay awake. A figure in the dark hurried forward as she levered herself up with effort, and she killed him by reflex.

Ignoring the sounds as he fought to stay alive as multiple limbs snapped his spine, she grew and opened her other eyes as they blossomed throughout her crewmates rooms.

 **-0-0-0-**

Sanji instantly knew what was happening and the cause even as he snapped awake. _That's what happens when I'm not cooking for them!_ he seethed in shame, even if it had just been a glass of water before bed. He knew he could not move his body in time as he sensed another presence, so he stopped trying to fight it and relaxed his body as if in acceptance. Encouraged, the Section 31 operative leaned forward with his hypospray.

And then Sanji set himself on fire with his mind.

" ** _Hell Memories!_** "

Screaming the agent leapt backwards as the flames of passion bit at him, and then the ships' automatic fire suppressant system cut in.

There was a reason Sanji could not smoke on the _Enterprise_ , and this was it as they were both surrounded by a force field that was to cut off the oxygen to the flames. The intruder collapsed from air loss, while Sanji's lungs had received such superior conditioning they easily held out as he struggled anew to get upright as the force fields deactivated.

 **-0-0-0-**

Circuitry and electricity flared throughout Franky as he felt the tingle of a Conqueror, Luffy, projecting his will, and he found someone trying to apply something to him. They –it was too dark to tell the gender— were so frustrated at their failure to get whatever it was through the metal that was just below his artificial skin that they had failed to recognize he was awake. Or that he had been sleeping naturally the whole time despite the cola he had taken from the replicator, the additive being useless against his cybernetics (if it had been a gas it would have been another story).

"Helloooo!" he boomed, "Sorry but I'm a little busy right now, maybe after I've sorted it out?"

Backpedaling in horror she – _Yep, definitely a woman_ — started to raise her hand, but Franky's fist, as big as her torso, smashed her across the room.

 **-0-0-0-**

The man in Usopp's room could hear the rising noise outside as he worked his way through the cluttered room, trying to reach his target despite all the inventions lying around, when the wall beside him was cut apart.

Ignoring the need for a door, a fully awake and enraged Zoro stomped in, veins visibly throbbing over inhuman muscles as they fought the strain of the chemicals.

The murderous glare the First Mate turned upon whoever was intruding on his crewmate was the last thing the operative saw before darkness overcame him too.

 **-0-0-0-**

Nami smiled at the sight of the intruder fighting against the arms that were sprouting out of his body. The sluggish movements of the limbs told her that Robin was also drugged, but the woman was also clearly holding back. "Thanks 'sis," she muttered as she twitched her fingers on the weapon she had taken to bed with her.

A miniature tornado smashed the last agent into the far wall, bones loudly snapping.

 **-0-0-0-**

When Picard arrived, Worf was examining the captives lying on the ground, wondering at how most of them were somehow still alive, while Dr. Chopper was examining his crewmates alongside Dr. Crusher.

"Commander Worf," Data said as he walked out of one of the guest's rooms, "they were right. The food replicator in this room has been carefully programmed to add the sedative to their food."  
"It's not one that I've seen before either," Beverly added.

"I'm not surprised, Doctor," Data told her, which raised a few looks from the other Starfleet Officers. "According to what Geordi and I've uncovered so far, this sedative was part of a list of programs buried deep into our own computers. Virtually undetectable, even for me."

"Would someone care to fill me in?" Picard finally barked, earning surprised looks from everyone as they finally took note of him.

 **-0-0-0-**

Admiral William Ross was fighting for composure as the Starfleet Security Guards led him away for high treason as an accomplice of Section 31. Spurred on by his discoveries, and plenty of captives to question with his resident empath handy once the suicide implants were removed, Captain Jean-Luc Picard had led a crusade against the darker side of the Federation.

The public, the very same citizens who enjoyed their peace and prosperity from the men and women of the organization, had been repulsed by what had been uncovered, the 'crimes' that had been committed. Despite this, the shadowy network of men and women, dedicated to protecting their way of life by means that others just could not accept, might have been able to have still survived this purge, letting some individuals be captured for the greater good to fool everyone else into thinking it was over.

Unfortunately, the Straw Hats had ruined even that with how they had exposed Section 31. The android Data had managed to uncover just how deeply Section 31's computer codes were implanted into all the computers, allowing loyal yet misguided Starfleet officers to track down every agent from their electrical fingerprints.

The President of the Federation himself came to give his personal thanks to the Straw Hats.

"We are all in debt to your actions. Upon behalf of the Federation, I, uh, uhm, excuse me?"

[Munch]

 **-0-0-0-**

 **Author Notes:**

 **Realistically I know the crew would sleep together, the men all together in one room and the women all together in another. But that would not be as fun. Heck, it would be a boring slaughter. Also, the reason the operatives were not just transported off the** ** _Enterprise-D_** **was that when Troi called for a Red Alert, it raised the ship's shields and that cut off any extraction.**

 **-0-**

 **Please Review, and I will get back to you!**


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